It is beneficial for children to have a trusted adult, aside from their parents, to help support them as they navigate the challenges of growing up. Maybe your child is acting out or having trouble making friends. Maybe your teenager is struggling in school, being victimised by bullying or engaging in risky behaviour. Maybe a death, divorce or other family situation has made you wonder how best to help your child cope.

Teaching children to deal with uncomfortable emotions

A psychologist can guide children to deal with uncomfortable emotions such as anxiety, disappointment and distress. They can help improve their self-confidence or manage difficult emotional experiences. Therapy provides a safe space for children to learn valuable life and relationship skills that can help them succeed throughout childhood and into adulthood.

Our psychologists have experience with a range of cognitive, behavioural, emotional and social difficulties that may affect your child’s wellbeing. Common reasons your child may benefit from visiting one of our psychologists, are:

• Behavioural concerns
• Anxiety and fears
• Depression or low mood
• Adjustment to life changes
• Traumatic experiences
• Grief and loss
• Difficulties at school
• Dealing with divorce
• Interpersonal relationships and social skills

At MindLink Psychology we use evidence-based interventions to assist your child, including but not limited to:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
• Exposure Therapy
• Acceptance & Commitment therapy (ACT)
• Mindfulness training
• Realistic goal setting
• Adaptive Coping Strategies (active problem solving, flexible thinking, resilience)
• Gottman method for relationship therapy
• Gottman method for emotion coaching
• Trauma Informed Therapy
• Schema Therapy
• Interventions will always include goal setting, exploring personal resources and developing new skills.

How Do I Talk about Therapy with my kids?

Once you have decided to seek the services of a therapist, discussing the idea with your kids might present a challenge. Here are some tips to help you navigate the conversation:

Explain therapy in age-appropriate language 

All kids are familiar with the doctor. Tell your little ones a therapist is like a “feelings doctor.” Kids know what it’s like to experience distress. Tell them a therapist will help them talk about times when they feel sad, mad or bad. Use an example of a time they struggled recently and tell them a counsellor will help them with that type of situation. You can also tell them that a therapist will talk with them about things they like to do, things they’re good at doing and times when they feel happy and silly. It’s helpful for kids to know that therapy can address problems and focus on what is going well in their lives.

For older kids who may have some concept of therapy, start by asking them about their expectations. Many kids, and even adults, mistakenly think a counsellor’s job is to tell you what to do. Explain to your older kids that a therapist’s job is to find out about you and help you figure out what you want and how to accomplish it. Teaching kids the value of consulting with an expert will pay off tremendously as they grow, expanding their perspective and helping them to make more advantageous decisions.

Promise fun and play

Child therapists use play therapy, engaging kids’ creativity and imagination. Tell your little ones a therapist will have fun toys and interesting games to teach them. If your child likes to draw or act, make sure the counsellor you choose is comfortable incorporating art and drama into sessions. Art therapy and psychodrama are effective ways to help kids communicate their emotions.

The key to a productive therapeutic experience is for kids to have fun and feel special. I encourage kids to bring their favourite games into our sessions. When they teach me how to play, they get to be the experts, showcasing their proficiency in the skills involved in the game, and I get to be a rapt audience, allowing them to educate me. Placing them in the position of teacher while I take the role of student shows them that I am interested in learning from them. Experiencing me as someone who is curious about them encourages them to open up about their victories, defeats, and worries.

Older kids might want to play or draw, or they might just prefer to talk. What differentiates therapy from other interactions with adults is that the child sets the tone for what we play and discuss. This unique relationship can become a haven for teens, who are accustomed to adults telling them what to do. Having a therapist follow their lead, attune to them and affirm them as valuable, interesting people builds a sense of capability and increases self-esteem.

Present therapy as a new adventure

Any activity is more successful if kids are on board and enthusiastic. Tell your kids how excited you are for their new adventure, and how lucky they are that they get to go talk and play with a special person every week. Talk with their counsellor about whether it makes sense to join them in the therapy room for the first session or to let them get to know the therapist on their own. Kids love to have secrets, so let them know you are curious to know as much as they want to tell you about their time in therapy, but it’s OK if there are things they want to keep to themselves. If anything important or concerning comes up, your therapist will either bring it up directly with you or help your child talk about it with you. Present counselling as a unique opportunity for learning and fun, and your child will be eager to meet the therapist. If you have found the right fit, after the first session, they will be begging to go back to see their new friend.

Older kids might take a little longer to warm up to a counsellor. They may be suspicious about the therapist’s agenda and what information will be reported to you. If they are interested, you might consider including them in your therapist selection process, so they are involved in deciding whom they will see. If therapy is your idea, kids may be wary about the endeavour. Talk with them about your hopes for counselling. Encourage them to give it a chance and to be open with the counsellor about their apprehension. An effective therapist will address their concerns and work to create trust. Rapport building is an essential part of the counselling process and may take time with adolescents. Once a therapeutic alliance is established, teens will begin to implement positive changes, exploring choices, working through challenges and finding more constructive ways of relating to the people in their lives. Chances are, if you think your kids could benefit from therapy, they probably will, once they feel comfortable sharing.

Check your stigmatising ideas 

If conversations about therapy are shrouded in mystery and concern, kids are likely to perceive therapy as a remedy to address something that is wrong with them or a punishment for bad behaviour. Shying away from open conversations about counselling teaches kids that it is shameful and perpetuates a stigma about seeing a therapist. To combat the still-too-common idea that therapy is embarrassing, it is important to normalize talking with someone about difficulties. Referring to your own positive experiences with therapy, or how helpful it has been to someone you know, will have a significant impact on the acceptance your kids will feel about it. Validate any struggles your child may be experiencing and offer counselling as a helpful and educational activity. If you promote therapy as an opportunity for growth, your kids will see it that way, too.

 

By Barrie Sueskind, MA, LMFT

Published December 21, 2015 in L.A. Parent